Obama Diagnosed with Dyslexia – Explains Golf, JFK Quote

Shhh...I just like to golf

BETHESDA, MD – After President Barrack Obama’s first routine medical exam on March 1st, White House physician, Jeffrey Kuhlman found that the 48 year old was in “excellent health” and “fit for duty.” What Kuhlman did not divulge was that the President had been experiencing frequent headaches and dizziness. Afraid that these were symptoms of a more serious health condition, Kuhlman ordered a barrage of tests that were apparently performed in secret. “We did not what to cause an unnecessary panic among the American people before we knew the root cause of [the President's] symptoms,” explained Kuhlman during a press conference at the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, MD on Thursday.

It seems these tests were performed in the locker rooms at several country clubs which would explain his 32 rounds of golf played since taking office which is eight more rounds than his predecessor, George W. Bush, played in his entire eight years in office. “I knew there must have been a logical reason for Barack’s apparent fondness for the empathic-less sport,” remarked illogical filmmaker Michael Moore.

Like the tests, the results, which showed a final diagnosis of “moderate dyslexia and mild ADD”, were also to remain secret. However, the mental health issues of the President were leaked after professional golfer Tiger Woods, whom Obama had personally confided, sent hundreds of text messages about the Presidents problem to his entire contact list, perhaps to “deflect the spotlight from his own problems,” speculated Charles Barkley, retired NBA player and Wood’s friend, in a disappointed tone.

“I believe this explains much about our President,” surmised conservative radio personality Willy Cunningham, “It is obvious that he misread JFK’s famous quote and has instead been asking ‘what else can the government do for the people’.  I was wrong, I thought the guy was a socialist, not a mental retard. I feel sorry for him, but I have much more sympathy for us.” The diagnosis does explain much about our 44th (ironically a dyslexic free number) president. Below are some “Common Characteristics of Dyslexia” thanks to the Davis Dyslexia Association International website:

  • Appears bright, highly intelligent, and articulate but unable to read, write, or spell
  • High in IQ, yet may not test well academically; tests well orally, but not written
  • has poor self-esteem; hides or covers up weaknesses with ingenious compensatory strategies
  • Difficulty sustaining attention; seems “hyper” or “daydreamer”
  • Strong sense of justice; emotionally sensitive; strives for perfection
  • Has difficulty telling time, managing time, learning sequenced information or tasks, or being on time
  • hears things not said or apparent to others

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Shhh...I just like to golf
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4 Comments to “Obama Diagnosed with Dyslexia – Explains Golf, JFK Quote”

  1. Kevin Kopp says:

    FYI: The first two quotes from REAL White House physician, Jeffrey Kuhlman are actual quotes. Also, the “Common Characteristics of Dyslexia” are REAL symptoms for dyslexia found on and thanks to the Davis Dyslexia Association International website.

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